Working on Me

Ok it’s 2011 but feels like I’m still replaying 2010 issues. This is what happens when you just keep letting things slide and not making an effort to actually change your situation. Biggest issues now are my boyfriend’s I am king you’re the servant attitude and my mental body image of myself. I say mental because physically I’m actually only 10 lbs over my happy weight but I think and feel more like 200 lbs. First step to changing my situation is to start with what I can personally change which is my mental image of myself. I went and got a complete physical and got my real weight in black and white to force myself to acknowledge it’s not as bad as I think. Overall I’m actually healthy all my test, cholesterol, diabetes, blood pressure etc were all normal and my doc actually said losing weight wasnt necessary health wise because it wasnt causing any health issues which was very surprising to me.  So now I know I’m healthy and losing weight is optional I actual am starting to feel better when I look in the mirror and now I’m motivated to lose weight so that I can look as healthy as I am. I hate the treadmill but I got one because it was less expensive than the elliptical I wanted so for now I’m doing 15 minutes a day and slowly trying to build up to the recommended 30 minutes. I’ve also bought some free weights to tone up my arms because they are starting to get a little jiggly; thankfully I can’t do any crunches because of a neck injury.

As for what I can’t personally change my boyfriends attitude towards our relationship I’m ignoring it. Yeah not the right or mature thing to do but right now I just don’t want to deal with it. Trying to explain to him why his attitude isn’t working in this relationship turns into a shouting match and frankly I’ve had it. Right now it’s work, home, take care of my lil one then hit the books cause I went back to school to get my B.A. so conflict is not something I can fit into my schedule. How does he feel about this change I have no idea because he hasn’t said anything. What I have realized is now that I’m not trying to get him to see my point of view and I’m focusing on other things he’s keeping his distance like he’s unsure of what’s going on in my head. Right now I’m just trying to get to my comfort zone and be joyful for my life and how I feel right now is either he tries to compromise so we can make it work or he just moves on either way I’m still going to be me and I’m gonna be happy.

Published in: on January 31, 2011 at 11:35 pm  Leave a Comment  

What Future?

New year same crap. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and I don’t think we’ll make it to another year. I feel like he trying to control everything. He wants me to change how I ask questions, how I start conversations, how I spend my leisure time and what I post in my status on Facebook. Like seriously, Facebook!? I feel like I’m back with my abusive ex only this time the abuse is psychological. I mean when someone comes at you saying they don’t care how you feel it’s about their happiness and you doing what they need to be happy it makes you wonder why you’re in a relationship. A relationship to me is about two people who love each other and try to make each other happy; when did it become a situation where only one person’s happiness counts.

Published in: on January 12, 2011 at 12:01 am  Leave a Comment  
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