In Need of a Miracle

I just suffered my 2nd miscarriage in 6 months and I cant even explain how I feel. the first time it happened I was overwhelmed with sadness but now I just feel empty and cold. I live in theCaribbeanwhere its 93 degrees and I’m walking around wearing a wool jacket. I’m quite sure my coworkers and neighbors think I’ve lost my mind and maybe I have. not that I’ve gone crazy but I feel like I’m operating on auto pilot. I see what’s going on but I’m not controlling my movements. I eat because I have to u could put a plate of confetti in front of me and tell me I’m eating rice and wouldn’t notice. my interest in sex has completely stopped but I still go through the motions my boyfriend said he noticed that I’m not into it anymore I lied and said I was jus tired and I should be ok when I start exercising again I should have told him the truth but then he would want to discuss my feelings and try to be understanding but he’s not good at doing that and the conversation usually ends bad so for now a lie is better besides I know my problem my heart and head are fighting each. Mentally I don’t want another child because there is a 30% chance of another miscarriage because I  have uterine fibroids which feeds off the blood & hormones in my body and they are blocking the flow of blood needed to get to the uterus for the baby to develop. The three options presented to me to get rid of them were two options for surgery and one for a pill that would cause me to stop ovulating which will starve the fibroids and cause them to shrink but the medication brings on the symptoms of menopause like hot flashes and causes your bones to become brittle. I would have to be on it for at least 3 months with no guarantee I will be able to get pregnant or the fibroids wont come back. My heart wants to have another baby because I love kids, my boyfriend has none of his own and is an excellent step father and is the type of person who deserves to have kids and my lil girl who is lonely because she’s growing up alone. I just dont know what to do.


Published in: on May 28, 2011 at 12:04 am  Comments (4)  

St. Croix

   One of my favorite things to do is eat, I love my belly, LOL. This is one of my favorite restaurants called the Ft. Christian Brew Pub. It’s located right on the waterfront and has a beautiful view of the harbor and all the boats anchored. My favorite menu item is the zesty crab dip with spinach and artichoke hearts served with wheat pita bread. My second favorite is the brew pub nachos served with the usual sour cream, salsa, jalapeno, black olives, guacamole, cheese and I add crawfish to mine, its mmm, mmm. good :-).

I love coming here every Tuesday with my girls because that’s when they have their 2 for 1 drink specials all night long. We sit upstairs look out at the harbor and let all our stress slip away. We talk about our crazy work day, vent about whatever is bothering us and catch up on what’s going on in our lives. I love Tuesdays and I’m looking forward to the next one.

Published in: on May 1, 2011 at 11:37 pm  Leave a Comment