In Need of a Miracle

I just suffered my 2nd miscarriage in 6 months and I cant even explain how I feel. the first time it happened I was overwhelmed with sadness but now I just feel empty and cold. I live in theCaribbeanwhere its 93 degrees and I’m walking around wearing a wool jacket. I’m quite sure my coworkers and neighbors think I’ve lost my mind and maybe I have. not that I’ve gone crazy but I feel like I’m operating on auto pilot. I see what’s going on but I’m not controlling my movements. I eat because I have to u could put a plate of confetti in front of me and tell me I’m eating rice and wouldn’t notice. my interest in sex has completely stopped but I still go through the motions my boyfriend said he noticed that I’m not into it anymore I lied and said I was jus tired and I should be ok when I start exercising again I should have told him the truth but then he would want to discuss my feelings and try to be understanding but he’s not good at doing that and the conversation usually ends bad so for now a lie is better besides I know my problem my heart and head are fighting each. Mentally I don’t want another child because there is a 30% chance of another miscarriage because I  have uterine fibroids which feeds off the blood & hormones in my body and they are blocking the flow of blood needed to get to the uterus for the baby to develop. The three options presented to me to get rid of them were two options for surgery and one for a pill that would cause me to stop ovulating which will starve the fibroids and cause them to shrink but the medication brings on the symptoms of menopause like hot flashes and causes your bones to become brittle. I would have to be on it for at least 3 months with no guarantee I will be able to get pregnant or the fibroids wont come back. My heart wants to have another baby because I love kids, my boyfriend has none of his own and is an excellent step father and is the type of person who deserves to have kids and my lil girl who is lonely because she’s growing up alone. I just dont know what to do.


Published in: on May 28, 2011 at 12:04 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I feel your pain….When I was pregnant with my third child, I thought I lost him, but it was disappearing twin syndrome…he was born prematurely, but healthy. Then, when trying for our fourth child, we had 3 miscarriages…

    Finally, our youngest girl was born healthy and strong. I had similar issues causing my miscarriages. I continued trying to have my baby girl because my oldest daughter wanted a baby sister so badly…

    Although Ary was my fourth, I labored nearly a full week before she was born. I had so much fear after all of the loss…then she was born and for a split second, I thought she was dead…but she wasn’t….she is 7 today.

    Everyone thought I was crazy to keep trying, with all of the miscarriages. I kept having dreams of this little girl and knew she was going to be born…my point in sharing is to tell you that, you have to trust your intuition. Of course you need to listen to your doctors and be kind to your body, but don’t forget your intuition…

    They say that, with each child we carry in our womb, whether they are born or not, a certain amount of their cells stay within our bodies…when illness sets in, the cells from the babies who have lived in our bodies are the first to show up to fight off the infection….if you can find some strength within…take a few moments, breathe deeply and connect with each child you have lost….

    then see if a vision comes to you. If your intuition tells you it is not meant to be, then you have no choice but to let go and move on…if you see yourself with a child, then you can take the guidance of your doctors and find the path…

    At the moment though, it’s possible that the loss is out weighing you intuition…if so, take some time to grieve…but not too long. I watched grief eat away at my mother, who lost her daughter, my sister when she was two years old. It ate away at my mom until there was almost nothing left of her.

    Your baby girl needs her mommy whole. Find a way to mend…you are so strong. I don’t need to sit over a cup of tea with you to know that. I can feel your strength from across the world….find your strength.

    I used the power of orgasm and fasting with guidance to overcome my own feminine issues (cysts, menstruation issues, miscarriages, etc.) I have also guided a number of women through similar situations…you will be whole again. I promise…

  2. I meant to delete the above comment. I don’t know you well enough to be so bold…I apologize. I hope you are taking care of yourself…rest, sleep, eat, drink…feed not only your spirit, but your body as well, I am thinking of you from my space in the world, sending positive healing energy and unconditional love from my heart to yours, Joy

    • i loved reading the first comment it gave me hope i will eventually have my second child. i just need to relax focus on the postive things going on right now and realize every situation is a lessond and preparation for good things to come. thank you so much for sharing

  3. Oh good. Phew! I spoke from the heart, which sometimes can come across as a bit bold. I read a book recently that talked about miscarriages in the bigger picture. The woman says that, when we experience a loss in this manner, that the soul either waits around ready to be born when the timing is right, or is born into our lives in another way.

    I always felt that it was possible that my youngest daughter was the soul from when I miscarried one of my twins. Then she kept hanging around and I had all those dreams. After she was born (in March) my hubby was supposed to get ‘snipped’ but postponed the operation long enough that I got pregnant again and had a miscarriage Jan 1st 2005….

    The baby factory is now fully shut down, which has left me wondering when/how that soul will enter my life….I wish that you find your miracle! I know you will, it just may come when least expected!

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