Ball of Confusion & Anxiety

The closer I get to my pregnancy due date the more stress I feel. Really not looking forward to staying with my child’s father but I’m the one that made that decision so I’m not going to go back on my word. It’s just that we have so much unresolved issues & I’m the type of person who hates to let things sit for too long because you eventually forget what the problems were & when you do bring up the issue it’s at the wrong time.

Besides our personal issues he basically put his foot in his mouth with a situation that went down with his friend and it has now alienated him from my family which has added stress to me because I’m extremely close to my family. Not being able to have him come to my mother’s house is the main reason why I decided to move in for those first three weeks. It’s just now i have to worry about splitting the baby’s time between him, my family, his family and me instead of everyone just being able to be together at the same time.

I think having my own place would have been better since that would be a neutral spot that everyone could come to but St. Croix’s economy is so fragile right now because our oil refinery is closing at the end of April, our government has reduced salaries by 8%, raised the gross receipt taxes and done so many layoffs; private companies are closing because of the high utility bills & taxes; its just so scary right now that I’m playing it safe and just saving my money until certain situations on island are more stable and moving out makes better financial sense.

I’m a life planner & I usually have two or three plans setup in regards to what I want to do in my life so all these uncertainites is driving me insane because I just dont know what the hell to do.

Published in: on March 21, 2012 at 12:02 am  Leave a Comment  

Almost There

I have about six weeks to go before it’s time to meet my new baby and I can’t wait. I do think my daughter might be more excited than I am she marks off the days on her calendar & lets me know every week how much more weeks I have to go.  So far I have been able to save a little over $2k and that is more than I will need to cover my expenses while on maternity leave. I still haven’t decided what to do about my living situation once I have the baby. For now I’m taking six weeks maternity leave and will be staying with the baby’s dad for the first three then back to my mom’s house.

I didn’t call him my boyfriend because since I moved out last year we never discussed our relationship or if we even wanted to be in one. We have just been focusing on making sure I have a healthy pregnancy because we had a few scares in the beginning. I know once I’m there for those three weeks we will have to discuss it but for now we are just simply ignoring it.  This is definitely not the mature thing to do but we were told to avoid unnecessary stress for the health of the baby so that’s the way we are doing it for now.

For now things are going good I’ve finished my fifth semester of college but I’ve postponed enrolling for the sixth until  I get my schedule set with the new baby and the added responsibilities. I’ve also decided to try to tackle a part-time job but no guarantees on that just yet I’ll have to see what’s available when the time comes.

Have a blessed evening 🙂

Published in: on March 14, 2012 at 8:26 pm  Leave a Comment  
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