Body Image

After being diagnosed with uterine fibroid, having miscarriages, two kids and ligation my body no longer looks the same. I have gone from being very proud of my body & having no qualms about being naked to hiding it even from my kids. I abhor looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my stomach with all the stretch marks and loose skin. It’s not about weight loss because I’ve lost all the baby weight I wanted to lose; it’s what to do about the loose skin that never gets tightened no matter how much crunches I do. I also have to deal with the bloating from my fibroid that happens a few weeks before I get my menstrual cycle. I end up looking three months pregnant and it’s embarrassing when people ask if I am. The fibroid can’t be removed because it’s not a danger to my health; if I want to do it the insurance wont pay for it because it’s an elective surgery and I don’t have 5k just lying around to pay for it. This whole body image has me so depressed and it’s so hard to shake it off. I used to love exercising but now with the kids, work and school I always feel too tired to do it and since I’m not seeing the results I want I just give up. This is not like me I’m usually able to pull myself out of this funk but I just can’t seem to do it.

Published in: on October 26, 2012 at 9:45 pm  Comments (2)  

Monogamy Doesn’t Always Work

Not everyone is cut out to be exclusive. I think some people, especially men in my jaded opinion, believe they are missing out on something if they only sleep with one person. What that something is I will never know however when you ask a man why they cheated they always say it just happened or they weren’t sexually satisfied at home. I always ask couldn’t you simply break up with the person instead of cheating. At least this way you would be able to still have trust between the two of you and you could avoid being called a dog. And women we live in a society where double standard is the norm you can’t do what a man does and not be labeled a whore no matter how bad he treated you or if he cheated first. Just accept it and take the high road and leave.

Also to be honest I can be categorized as a hypocrite because I have slept with someone who was in a relationship. There is no way to defend it because I knew it was wrong but sometimes shit really does just happen. We were friends and I was getting over a bad breakup and he was on the verge of breaking up. The situation just brought us closer together than we ever expected but thankfully we realized it was just the stress of the situation that led us to bed and he stayed and worked things out with his girlfriend and I moved on to someone else. I know you’re going to curse me out because of all the things I said in the beginning but I still feel that way. My friend was missing communication and intimacy in his relationship and instead of reaching out and explaining this to his girlfriend he reached out to me instead and for a brief minute he found what he was looking for. Eventually I had to remind him about the things he would be missing out on if he didn’t work things out with his girl. A new relationship shouldn’t be started before the old is finished and definitely not when your emotions are so high and tainted that you don’t know what is real. Also just so you know I was madly in love with him but I know if I didn’t allow him to work things out with his girl first then our relationship would be built on shady foundation that could eventually crumble.

Published in: on October 26, 2012 at 9:31 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Moving Sucks!!!!

Who takes a month to move in to a new apt? I do! I hate to move. It’s the only time I realize how much shit I’ve accumulated and need to get rid of. I feel like I’ve been packing for years and there is still a bunch of crap that I’ve left at my mom’s house. I need to start living a minimalistic lifestyle and only buy what I need and will be used in the near future. Ha! I’ve said that before but I’m sitting her looking at a snowman shaped pancake pan that I only used once, three measuring cups in plastic, chrome and glass, a cookie press that has never been opened, tons of candle holders; I love candles but if I was to actually use all these candle holders my apartment would be brighter than the sun. The list could go on but I’m to ashamed to list anything else.  So now everything is packed and in my new place and I’m wondering where is all this stuff going to go. I should have a yard sale I know I could get top dollar for some of these unopened gadgets and put a little extra cash in the kids accounts.

I know you’re saying why is this girl rambling on about moving. It’s because I’ve finally moved out and once again I mentally feel like an independent adult. Living at home because of another failed relationship and stupidly giving up my first apartment had put a major black cloud over my heart and mind, shook my self-confidence and caused me to question all my decisions. Just being able to turn the key in my own door has giving me back my confidence. Maybe I don’t hate moving after all.

Published in: on October 3, 2012 at 6:50 pm  Leave a Comment