Insomnia…How it’s Helped & Harmed Me

So when someone says they have insomnia you automatically assume they have trouble falling asleep and stay awake all night. Well you are partially right it literally means the inability to fall asleep and/or stay asleep. I can fall asleep but I have trouble staying asleep and always wake up feeling tired. My body never goes into the REM stage of sleep so any slight noise wakes me up & it takes me anywhere from 2-3 hours to get back to sleep, if I even get to fall asleep.

It’s helped me to be more proactive when it comes to making dinner. When I have trouble sleeping I end up cooking tomorrow’s dinner so when we get home we simply heat it up. This gives me more time to spend wit the kids when I get off from work instead of rushing to prepare dinner. Also, I’ve been able to use those sleepless times to give the house a thorough cleaning without my baby looking to steal the mop or making another mess.  The downside to this is I’m always tired and unable to focus at work. There have been times when I’m at my desk and I fall asleep until I hear a noise or embarrassingly someone wakes me up. On nights when I can’t get back to sleep I’m a complete wreck at work; unable to focus, tired, easily irritated and just not productive at all.

When I spoke to my medical doctor about it she stated it was because of my depression and that I need to find a therapist quickly. Yes, I’m looking for one but haven’t found one I’m comfortable with as yet. In the mean time she’s suggested a few things that I started trying this week.

First, use my bedroom for sleeping only, which is not as easy as I thought. I do a lot of work for the non-profit I work for part time in my bedroom so transitioning it to the living room is still a work in progress. I also do a lot of reading in bed which I thought was ok but she said the bed should be for sleeping (if I wasn’t single it would be for sex also). If I use it for that purpose only then I’m signaling and training my brain to prepare to shut down and go to sleep.

Second, avoid using alcohol as a sleep aide, I’ve done this, it apparently interferes with the quality of sleep you get and can cause you to feel even more tired in the morning.

Third, I should get a nightly routine that will signal my body to prepare itself for rest. This is a little difficult because my daughter’s homework load varies often. There are times when we finish within an hour and then there are times we are up until 11pm but that is mostly due to my daughter’s procrastination and belief I should do the work for her if it’s too difficult but that needs to be in a post by itself.

So these are my to do list for the next two weeks to see if I can curb the amount of sleepless nights I have; wish me luck.

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Published in: on April 30, 2013 at 9:25 pm  Leave a Comment  
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I Need Help

I’ve always diagnosed myself with clinical depression but I’ve never been officially diagnosed. I did go to a doctor a very long time ago but he wasn’t a trained therapist and was too quick to suggest drugs as a way to control it. I hate taking pills of any kind for any reason; I won’t even take an aspirin unless I’m having a migraine attack. However, I believe its time to see a professional. I was driving on the highway today and as I gradually increased my speed a thought popped into my head that I should drive into the wall and that would end all my troubles. I’ve thought about ending my life several times in the 34 years I’ve been living but today’s urge was the strongest and most tempting. At once the face of my kids popped into view and I immediately started crying. This was all brought on by my daughter not being able to find her uniform shirt which caused me to end up taking out an extra shirt and literally stapling on her school patch after failed attempts at sewing it on. This resulted in us leaving the house at 8am which is when school starts. I was so frustrated because all week she kept harassing me about playing the Xbox and having her friends sleep over Then she forgets her text-book at school even though she was asked if she has everything which resulted in twice as much homework the next day. It’s always something with her and I know it’s just ‘growing pains’ but coupled with the stress of co-parenting with my youngest father which is turning out to be very difficult, struggling to pay bills when your salary is not keeping up with the increasing cost of utility, groceries, gas and the list goes on. I know there is someone out there who is feeling the same way I do however I’m not processing the stress correctly. I don’t think anyone would say thoughts of suicide are a healthy way of dealing with every day stress. I find myself no longer interested in anything. I’m always tired but can’t sleep and I have this constant never-ending feeling of sadness and pessimism that’s stronger than I’ve ever felt it before. I just want to feel happy again.

I wrote this about three weeks ago; I no longer feel the urge to “end it all” however the overwhelming sadness is still there. I just hope I can find a therapist I can relate to BEFORE I have my breakdown.

Published in: on April 15, 2013 at 11:50 pm  Comments (3)  
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