Should have kept him as Just a Friend

I’m in love with someone or have been in love with someone for four years and I can’t get him out of my mind. I have moved on into other relationships with the hope of getting him out of my system but it only leads to the end of the relationship and stronger feelings for him. The crazy part about this is if we weren’t friends before we were lovers I wouldn’t feel this way. I have an unhealthy fixation on him not the stalking type but the comparison of others to him. Quite frankly no one makes me feel like he does.

When we started and ended our affair four years ago it was never with the intention of me developing any feelings for him. I honestly don’t know if he ever felt anything more than friendship for me because I’m afraid to ask. He gets upset when I try to play it off like it was just sex to him and tells me I should ask him how he feels instead of ASSuming but nope, I’m just to scared of the answer. And yes we are definitely still friends and can count on each other and talk to each other when we are in need or just to say hi. That’s what I love about him he’s a great friend yes I know he cheated with me but it was never intentional. We were both going through a rough patch and gave each other what we needed unfortunately, call it my female genes, I fell in love and have not been able to fall out of love because of the friendship. We don’t argue but we do disagree, we can talk about anything or just chill in a comfortable silence, we both like sports and playing video games and just love to have a good time.

Since we still have such a good connection even after sleeping together it’s hard to put him back in the just friends’ category. Do I feel guilty? Yes, every damn day I wake up the guilt sits on my chest. He’s been engaged for two years now & I’ve asked why he won’t set a date & his response is always the same; he doesn’t know why but he just can’t set a date. He claims he’s not ready I tell him it’s the guilt but I don’t want him to tell her or she might leave him & take the kids. I’ve tried to end the friendship in hopes of alleviating his guilt (you know the cliché out of sight out of mind) but that never last for more than a week either him or I would call or text. We’ve been such a big part of each other’s lives that it’s hard for us not to share the ups & downs we go through.

We’ve been friends for nine years and shared everything like a brother and sister would so how do I end a friendship that has been such an important part of my life.

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Published in: on May 3, 2013 at 11:40 pm  Leave a Comment  
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