This is My Confession – Dating with Kids

How long do you wait before you start dating when you have young children? Am I supposed to put my kitty on permanent lock down for 18 years? Why is it OK for the father to have a girlfriend or multiple partners but the mother is supposed to stay single and celibate because he doesn’t want another man around his kids or helping to raise them. This is just some more of that bullshit double standard that society is trying to shove down my throat. Who says a mother must stop being a woman once she has kids and is no longer with their dad. Why must I bury my sexual desires and need for companionship to protect a fragile ego because that’s really what it’s all about. He doesn’t want another man coming and maybe doing a better job at fatherhood and being a good boyfriend. It has nothing to do with the children in my situation, just his fear of finally owning up to the fact that he just wasn’t the one for me. In no way shape or form would I ever parade a bunch of men in front of my children. If a man ever meets them it’s after a rigorous investigation of his background, personality, character and numerous dates. I’m not going to let just anybody into my children’s life.

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Published in: on June 26, 2013 at 11:55 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Can we ever be friends?

How am I supposed to form an amicable friendship with my child’s father when he takes every gesture of kindness from me as a chance we can get back together? It’s a never ending cycle with him. First he’s ok with the break up and takes responsibility for his part in it then he’s professing his love and hopes to get back together. When I say I have no interest in having a relationship beyond friendship we go back to the anger stage and everything is my fault, I’m leading him on, we can’t be friends until we resolve our issues; we’ve been broken up for over a year now. I was two months pregnant when I called it quits. Yes we tried to work on the relationship afterwards but I just couldn’t do it. Times like this make me realize I made the right choice by not going back to him.

Last night I’m at a concert with friends having a great time and he wants to talk about our relationship. He has hope we will get back together. I believe in hurting someone with the truth instead of sparing their feelings with a lie. I told him there was no hope or chance of that to happen let’s just focus on the present and being good parents we both made mistakes so let’s learn from them and just move on. That was the right move but gave me the wrong reaction. Now I’m the bad guy once again and we can’t be friends because he feels we still have issues that’s a problem for him. I’m just so tired of this roll a coaster ride of emotions. I still feel he is suffering from some sort of depression and needs help before he crosses the line. I’ve seen him when he gets enraged which is one of the biggest reason why I left. I know if he doesn’t learn to control his anger and learn to accept situations that don’t go in his favor he’s going to do something that he will never be able to undue.

Published in: on February 17, 2013 at 3:24 pm  Comments (2)  
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Single Motherhood Can Be Hard

Sometimes I feel like my oldest daughter and I argue every day. She’s nine going on nineteen and showing out verbally every chance she gets. Her father offers no financial or emotional support so it’s just me. I know I can file for child support but that’s a waste of time since he has two other kids he’s on child support for and has never paid a dime in over ten years because he refuses to work. I prefer the emotional support anyway because for some reason that’s where I’m having the most stress.

Financially she is expensive but its a controlled cost that I can plan and save for but emotionally she is past my threshold of patience and understanding. It’s a constant verbal battle with her simply to get her to clean her room do the dishes pick up after herself or any basic thing you ask a child to do. Yes, I know this is a problem all parents face but its a problem that I never had before. I never had to raise my voice or punish her because she always did what she was told when I said it. Now she questions why she has to do the dishes even though this and cleaning her room are her only chores. I still do the cooking, cleaning of the entire apartment and the laundry and pay the household expenses. When I say that to her she still looks at me like I’m killing her with chores.

I’ve tried speaking to her like an adult and explaining the importance of cleaning her room especially since she shares it with her baby sister. I’ve also yelled at her about it and taken away certain privileges and placed her in punishment but all with the same results. She’s asking me to help her clean the room or help her wash the dishes and its annoying the hell out of me. Who helps me pay the bills, while she’s curl up in bed at night & I’m sweeping and mopping the apartment where is my help. When the baby is crying for attention while I’m trying to cook dinner and my oldest is demanding not asking for help with her homework where is my help. When the car needs repairs, the rent has to be paid and groceries need to be bought who helps me.

I didn’t plan to be a single parent of two; no one does, nor do I regret any of the decisions I had to make to bring me where I am today but sometimes I just have to say Where Is My Help.

Published in: on January 20, 2013 at 1:53 pm  Comments (4)  
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