Dear John

I’m sorry I’ve been distant these past few weeks but I just needed to sort some things out. I believe it’s best for me to go back to how I was and just focus on the kids and nothing else. I thought I could do the casual sex, friends with benefits thing but it’s not for me. I want someone to cuddle and kiss without it leading to sex. I want visits because he wants to actually see me, talk with me, spend some time around me not because it’s his weekly sex visit. I said I wanted a relationship without the commitment but that’s contradictory to what I actually need. I need some level of commitment, not on the level of being exclusive but committed to spending time together outside of the bedroom getting to know one another to see if we could be exclusive. I want someone who thinks I’m worth making time for. So once again let me apologize because this situation is completely my fault. You were simply following my lead not realizing I was leading us off a cliff. Hopefully I haven’t scarred you too much mentally and you won’t make the next lady you are interested in suffer for the craziness I put you through.

Published in: on August 29, 2013 at 10:22 pm  Leave a Comment  
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This is My Confession – I’m Confused; A Walking Contradiction

Am I confusing desire & lust for something more? It is not my intention to enter into a committed relationship but my actions and words say something else. He is constantly on my mind and has eclipsed the thoughts of the other so completely I sometimes forget I loved him. He makes me want more even though he is not giving me more. Perhaps it’s the syndrome of wanting what you can’t have or chasing someone who is not interested in being caught. I’ve always felled the hardest for those who posed a challenge instead of the ones who openly show me love; I am so dumb. I need to treat this as it is a casual fling; simple friends with benefits arrangement the one thing I was running from but then again what was I running to. I am afraid to fall in love and avoid it at all cost so a friends with benefits situation should be exactly what I want. Maybe if he didn’t affect my senses sex and friendship would be enough but he makes me want to open up and talk, and cuddle and hug and hold hands and wake up next to him. I’m so screwed.

Published in: on July 17, 2013 at 10:45 pm  Leave a Comment  
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This is My Confession – Sexual Expression

I am not shy but coy. I play the innocent so as not to seem eager for it is frowned upon in society. In this double standard world that I live in I cannot freely express my love for sex or I would risk the chance of being labeled a slut. I must pretend to be reserved and submissive and not asked to be fucked but sweetly smile, flutter my eyelashes and softly ask can we make love. There is nothing wrong with making love but we are still animals and sometimes you simply want be bent over a chair and fucked. You want your hair pulled, assed smacked and bite marks on your neck. You want to wake up the next morning feeling like you’ve been in a fight because you’re sore all over. If I must be submissive then let it be while I’m tied to a bed being teased beyond mercy begging him to fuck me. If I must be submissive let it be while I’m stroking him with my tongue and he holds my head as he squirts so I can swallow his lovely cum then proceed to suck him dry until pleasure turns to pain. However as I stated before I cannot show that side of me, it must be kept hidden until I find someone willing to bring it out of me and show me how sex is really supposed to be. I believe, no, I know my sexual experience is severely lacking. I just hope and pray one day I will find the one with no sexual hang-ups willing to teach me all he knows.

Published in: on June 27, 2013 at 12:12 am  Leave a Comment  
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