I Know Your Life Ain’t EZ

I know your heart is hurting. I know you feel like nobody understands. I know you feel alone in your struggle. I know you’re tired of pretending like everything is OK. You tell people you’re fine, but on the inside you’re screaming out for help. The thought of tomorrow doesn’t bring you joy because you feel your best days are in your past. Fear drives your thoughts, not faith. The fear life won’t get better. The fear loneliness will never leave your presence. The fear your prayers aren’t received. DON’T LET FEAR TAKE YOUR LIFE.

I know it sounds cliche but be thankful for your struggle because it’s making you stronger than ever. Your perseverance in times of despair shows others they can make it. I know you can’t see it right now, but you provide HOPE for so many lives. Someone is always watching you be it your child, niece nephew sister or friend someone is silently looking to you for guidance, strength, and hope that things will get better. You are the LIGHT in someone’s life. You are the reason someone woke up today. YOU ARE IMPORTANT! Do not let life struggles blind you to this fact.

Published in: on January 28, 2015 at 12:23 am  Leave a Comment  
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What I’m Learning in Therapy – To Make Better Decisions

Nearly every problem you face is temporary but it may not seem that way when we are going through it. Temporary problems can cause immediate & long-term pain which causes us to make irrational & unhealthy choices that is not in alignment with our beliefs or character.

One way I’m learning to make better long-term choices, that will resolve my short-term situation, is simply by stepping away from it & giving myself some time to think.

The idea behind this is to make better decisions by ensuring my behavior matches my beliefs. I think about my immediate reaction & what long-term effects it may have. I ask myself will I be able to respect myself if I do this? Is this in line with the type of person I want to be? Will I regret my actions? If I answer no to any of these questions then I know I have to come up with a better solution.

Published in: on June 22, 2014 at 8:02 pm  Leave a Comment  
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How Do I Make it Through the Day

I’ve had unbelievable highs and lows – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like giving up. Everything seemed to go wrong and it left me feeling hopeless. It left me feeling like I couldn’t do anything right.

However I’ve always managed to pick myself up and keep going. In the beginning there was this little voice in my head which said “this is your ONE & ONLY life, God did not intend for you to live unhappy”. I now have two precious little angels who give me the added incentive I need to get up each morning.

I’m grateful for that little voice & my angels, because it really has kept me holding on, but sometimes finding the strength and courage isn’t easy. So this is what I constantly tell myself:

1. Believe in yourself & have faith in God—you have to choose to believe that god has given you the tools you need to succeed in life.

2. Acknowledge & accept that life is not a movie, bad things do happen & sometimes there is no happy ending, it’s a part of life; give yourself five minutes to throw a pity party then move on.

3. Take time for yourself; #stress can kill you; always take some time to just relax, de-stress & detox from all the negatives that were thrown at you this week; give yourself some time to recuperate.

4. Always have HOPE & be Grateful!

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this and what keeps you motivated. I think it’s so important for us to talk about this and gain strength from each other!

#ImStillLearning ©

Published in: on May 18, 2014 at 6:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Where Have I Been—-In Therapy

I pretty much hit rock bottom and the thoughts of suicide were becoming overwhelming. With two young children and no stable fathers in the picture I decided it was finally time to seek help. I have been seeing a therapist during my absence and its a very strange situation. I’m thoroughly against going on medication so we are doing talk therapy and trying to re-train my brain (as I refer to it) into processing situations as they happen and dealing in the present instead of trying to think 20 steps ahead and all the outcomes being worst than the last, in my mind that is.

Like I said it’s a struggle and I’m realizing a lot of the past that I buried deep in my mind has been severely affecting my present. I guess ignoring shit isn’t a legitimate way to deal with hurtful situations. I’m being forced to evaluate my irrational fears of inadequacy and failure and embracing the fact that my life isn’t as horrible as I constantly think it is. this is in hopes that I will not turn minor setbacks into tidal waves that lead to suicidal thoughts. My therapist suggested I find an outlet for my stress which is why I created my Facebook page. When I’m feeling overwhelmed I use it as a way turn my situation into something positive. Writing a positive post strangely causes me to feel better so I’m sticking with it until it stops working. I’ll post some of my post on here as well so I can hear from all of you.

Wish me luck because I have a very long way to go.

Published in: on May 18, 2014 at 6:43 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Single Motherhood Can Be Hard

Sometimes I feel like my oldest daughter and I argue every day. She’s nine going on nineteen and showing out verbally every chance she gets. Her father offers no financial or emotional support so it’s just me. I know I can file for child support but that’s a waste of time since he has two other kids he’s on child support for and has never paid a dime in over ten years because he refuses to work. I prefer the emotional support anyway because for some reason that’s where I’m having the most stress.

Financially she is expensive but its a controlled cost that I can plan and save for but emotionally she is past my threshold of patience and understanding. It’s a constant verbal battle with her simply to get her to clean her room do the dishes pick up after herself or any basic thing you ask a child to do. Yes, I know this is a problem all parents face but its a problem that I never had before. I never had to raise my voice or punish her because she always did what she was told when I said it. Now she questions why she has to do the dishes even though this and cleaning her room are her only chores. I still do the cooking, cleaning of the entire apartment and the laundry and pay the household expenses. When I say that to her she still looks at me like I’m killing her with chores.

I’ve tried speaking to her like an adult and explaining the importance of cleaning her room especially since she shares it with her baby sister. I’ve also yelled at her about it and taken away certain privileges and placed her in punishment but all with the same results. She’s asking me to help her clean the room or help her wash the dishes and its annoying the hell out of me. Who helps me pay the bills, while she’s curl up in bed at night & I’m sweeping and mopping the apartment where is my help. When the baby is crying for attention while I’m trying to cook dinner and my oldest is demanding not asking for help with her homework where is my help. When the car needs repairs, the rent has to be paid and groceries need to be bought who helps me.

I didn’t plan to be a single parent of two; no one does, nor do I regret any of the decisions I had to make to bring me where I am today but sometimes I just have to say Where Is My Help.

Published in: on January 20, 2013 at 1:53 pm  Comments (4)  
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